M5 Fast Food Fiasco: When Your Sedan Orders the Whole Menu
Ah, the BMW M5—a name that sends shivers down the spines of both car enthusiasts and those who still cling to the quaint notion that a sedan should be sensible, subtle, and about as exciting as a beige cardigan. The M5 has been many things over the years: a missile on wheels, an executive express, a mid-life crisis with leather seats. But one thing it has never been is light. Let's take a journey through the evolution of the M5, from its feathery beginnings to its current status as a heavyweight champ.
The Genesis: E28 (1984-1988) - When Weight Wasn't the IssueThe first BMW M5, based on the E28 5 Series, was more of a stealth bomber than an outright bruiser. Launched in 1984, it was powered by a 3.5-liter straight-six engine borrowed from the M1 supercar, producing a respectable 282 horsepower. The car weighed in at a svelte 1,430 kg (3,153 lbs)—positively dainty by today's standards. It was fast, understated, and rarer than a polite traffic warden, with only 2,241 units produced. The M5 was the car that whispered, "I could outrun you, but I won't, because I'm classy."
E34 (1988-1995) - Adding Some Muscle
By the time the E34 M5 came along in 1988, BMW decided it was time for the M5 to hit the gym. The E34 was bulkier, heavier, and considerably more powerful. With a 3.6-liter (later upgraded to 3.8 liters) straight-six engine, it pushed out 311 horsepower and weighed around 1,600 kg (3,527 lbs). It was still an athlete, but more of a decathlete than a sprinter. BMW produced about 12,254 of these, and while it had gained some heft, it was still an unassuming killer—a wolf in wool trousers.
E39 (1998-2003) - The M5 Grows Up
After skipping the M5 during the E28's immediate successor (we’ll just pretend that never happened), the E39 M5 roared onto the scene in 1998. This was the car that truly solidified the M5's status as the ultimate sports sedan. With a 4.9-liter V8 engine producing 394 horsepower, it was heavier still, tipping the scales at around 1,795 kg (3,957 lbs). This generation was the equivalent of a middle-aged man who’d spent a few too many weekends at the pub but could still run a marathon if he put his mind to it. BMW built 20,482 units, proving once and for all that more power and more weight were the recipe for success.
E60 (2005-2010) - A V10 Experiment
Enter the E60 M5, a car that was, frankly, bonkers. This was the era of excess, and the M5 embraced it with a 5.0-liter V10 engine that produced 500 horsepower and screamed to 8,250 RPM like a banshee on a caffeine binge. But with great power came great mass—1,855 kg (4,090 lbs), to be precise. The car was as subtle as a neon tracksuit and twice as loud. It was produced in numbers (about 19,523 units), but let’s be honest, it was about as practical as using a chainsaw to slice bread.
F10 (2011-2016) - Turbocharging and More Pounds
With the F10 generation, the M5 got serious. Out went the V10, and in came a twin-turbo 4.4-liter V8, because who needs ten cylinders when you can just bolt on a couple of turbos? Power was up to 560 horsepower, but weight crept up to 1,945 kg (4,288 lbs). The F10 was like that mate who hits the gym, bulks up, and then can't fit through the door anymore. BMW produced 20,548 units of this turbocharged behemoth. It was quick, it was luxurious, but it was no longer what you might call 'light on its feet.
F90 (2018-Present) - When Heavy Became the New Norm
The current M5, the F90, is the fastest, most powerful M5 yet, thanks to a 4.4-liter twin-turbo V8 producing up to 617 horsepower in the Competition variant. But all that power comes with a weight penalty—2,015 kg (4,442 lbs). That’s about the same as a small asteroid or a particularly large Sunday roast. It's no longer a question of whether the M5 is heavy; it's a question of how much engineering wizardry it takes to make something this heavy feel agile. BMW has produced around 20,000 units of the F90 so far, and if you can find one, it’s the perfect car for those who believe that too much is just right.
G90 (2025) Now We’re Talking Seriously Heavy
And then, there's the 2025 G90 M5, which has taken the concept of the "ultimate driving machine" and added a set of Duracells. The new hybrid M5 is a technical marvel, blending a 4.4-liter twin-turbo V8 with electric motors to produce over 700 horsepower. It’s fast, it's sophisticated, and it’s greener than a hedge maze in a rainstorm. But here’s the kicker—it weighs in at a staggering 2,470 kg (5,445 lbs), more than 1,000 pounds heavier than the outgoing F90.
Why so heavy? Blame the batteries, the electric motors, the reinforced chassis, and enough tech to make the Starship Enterprise look like a paper plane. The G90 isn’t just a car; it’s an advanced exercise in physics. It’s no longer about just going fast—now it’s about doing so while carrying an extra passenger or two worth of weight. Sure, it’s environmentally friendly, but good luck explaining to your mates why your "sport sedan" weighs more than a Range Rover.
